Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
