Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
