Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize