Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
