party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
