bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
smell my finger.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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