I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
