well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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