We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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