Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
