So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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