It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
