I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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