He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
