I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
