I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
