I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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