I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
