are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
