where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
love makes seman taste better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
