Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
