He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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