Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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