I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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