he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
