glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
this hospital has no fireball
My dick has a subreddit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize