so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
