I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
