Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
