Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
