Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
