Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
