How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize