do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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