New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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