Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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