i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
