His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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