No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
