btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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