hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
