My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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