im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
