Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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