dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
