I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
