In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
