Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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