This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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