Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
