Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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