***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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