on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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