I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
