My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize