I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
