update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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