fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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