I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
