her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
