i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
