you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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