From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
