So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
