Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
