Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
high people should be assigned attendants
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
