I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
